First, we should take a few minutes to get to know our new conference mate.
Much like conference paragons of coed hotties like ASU, the Utah also has an annual undie run. Unfortunately, after looking through a bunch of photos (and not needing a sandwich and nap afterward) I can only conclude 3 things:
1- Folks in Utah eat too much. This was reminiscent of the Wisconsin chicks who subsist on fried cheese.
2- The people of Utah look like characters out of Napoleon Dynamite and, like them, are at least a decade behind current fashions or notions of what is sexy.
3- The reports of Utah women being hott is either propaganda from Utah men who don't know any better or from vacationers who happened to see a bunch of California girls on ski trips and mistook them for locals.
(There's also a strong possibility that any of the truly good looking ones have marriages arranged while they are teenagers and don't participate in things like undie runs, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone so I won't suggest this.)
Without further ado, here's the best Utah coed I could find:
Not bad, huh? It gets better...
Don't worry, honey. You can take that Utah education straight to a Colorado strip poll. We won't judge you for your morals or your spelling.
Full disclosure: the photos weren't as bad as I thought they'd be. No one was wearing these:
Moving on, let's get to know the Utah Utes.
What do we call them?
I've heard them referred to as "The U". That obviously doesn't work. Not enough gold in their teeth, no reports of hooker and blow recruiting boats, and their police blotter is too short. Plus they don't win enough.
How about "UU"? Doesn't work either. Is it the Big 8 thing where we put the state abbreviation first, or the way the rest of the country does it by putting the state last? No one knows.
Utes? You've got to be ****ing kidding me. No way in hell I can say that with a straight face.
Utah? Sounds like a brand of chewing tobacco.
That pretty much leaves us at BYUtah-SLC. BYU Lite is also acceptable.
As we know, BYU and Utah are how the people in that state distinguish between the two campuses of their flagship university. The former is in Provo and is where citizens of good standing go to college. The latter is in Salt Lake City and attracts the poor, the stupid and those who have lapsed morals.
The Pac-12 took BYUtah-SLC over BYUtah-Provo because at least the folks in Salt Lake City have figured out that Scrabble + Ice Cream + Hand Holding /= Hot Date.
Unfortunately, the Pac-12 also forced BYU Lite upon CU as our "paired rival". At least until the Pac expands again and maybe forever, they'll be our traveling partner for scheduling and some idots will try to pretend that this is an actual rivalry.
**** that sauce.
But I want to be a good sport and do my part to help make it a bit easier for Buff fans to get interested in games with our new traveling partner.
Without further ado: 10 Reasons to Hate BYU Lite
1. They wear red.
2. They think they're classy fans.
3. They think their team is much better than it is.
Screw it, that's all I've got. Hope you enjoyed the "3 Reasons to Hate BYU Lite". I could have probably come up with a few more but, frankly, they weren't worth my time.
Happy Thanksgiving, Buff fans!
Enjoy the game on Friday, because: BYUtah-SLC Sucks
Buffs win this one easily.
CU - 27
UU (or is it UU?) - 17
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