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A really sh!tty preview of the ASU game

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by Buffnik, Oct 9, 2015.

  1. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    We move into Week 6 and Buff Nation is in one of two camps following a loss to Oregon in a game that was tied at the half: the "moral victory - Buffs are improving" camp; and, the "sky is falling - we won't win another game" camp.

    Frankly, I don't want to go camping with either of you. Well, maybe if you promise to be gentle after romancing me a little, but probably not. I'm not ready to jump into the tent just yet.
    [​IMG]

    This week: The mighty Buffs travel to Tempe to take on ASU, Saturday at 8pm MT, PACN

    Speaking of ASU, did you know that Jake Plummer lives in Boulder now? I don't know what that means other than you might see him playing handball at the Boulder Rec or driving around town.
    [​IMG]

    Jake Plummer - the man who actually got busted for a road rage incident while driving a Honda Element. Definitely a dude who fits in as a Boulderite.

    But let's get to the intensive pre-game analysis that I know you all expect from the Sh!tty Preview.

    These days, ASU's quarterback is Mike Bercovici. Now we're getting into stuff that is definitely meaningful to this week's game. Bercovici has been an inconsistent player this season. I have a theory.
    [​IMG]
    Will Bercovici be dialed in on Saturday night or might he be distracted by his post-game plans? Will his legs be strong?

    Actually, this is a consistent problem for the entire team on an annual basis. On the one hand, they've got a high-paying job playing college football and they take it seriously. But on a campus with 100,000 commuter students who are parlaying their GEDs and the cash they can pull together from performing in low budget pornos and taking the pole at a gentlemen's club into a college education... let's just say there are a lot of distractions.

    And not just the fact that Tempe police are getting involved.
    [​IMG]
    106 degrees during the evening news? No wonder the devil is their mascot. It is literally hell.

    And if I have offended any of the people who go to ASU with the preceding paragraphs, I want to apologize. I know that was a bit of exaggeration. I was being unfair. Some of you do, in fact, have mainstream day jobs (or will be able to land one some day with your ASU degree).
    [​IMG]

    Advantage Buffs

    Also important this Saturday is the question on everyone's mind: will Coach Graham be wearing his custom-made boots on the sideline?
    [​IMG]

    Seriously. He wears these. He even had them monogrammed. I think he may have got them on eBay from Dom DeLuise's "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" estate sale.
    [​IMG]
    Not that there's anything wrong with that. Graham pretty much is that "Melvin" character. And, as we talked about earlier in this thread, the settings of the movie and university are well aligned. All I know is that now that this is in my head I really can't get it out. Coach Graham is now Coach Melvin as far as I'm concerned.

    On the Melvin factor, advantage Buffs

    From here, I could talk about the competitiveness of last year's game, respective talent, in-game performance review so far this year, matchups, and even get into some advanced metrics so we could discuss important stuff like 3rd down defense, explosive plays and red zone efficiency. But this is the Sh!tty Preview and we have other concerns and standards.

    So let's address the elephant in the room: my wife, before I met her and while she was living in Las Vegas, adopted ASU as the team she cheered for. Partly because no one cheers for UNLV football, even the students (which she was). And partly because, well, when you live in a desert which is also the stripper and party drug capital of the universe... ASU becomes a natural fit for your fandom.

    But we're not in Vegas any more and we don't go to Sapphire to watch football games.
    [​IMG]

    This week is important to put that sh!t to rest once and for all. She's a CU fan now, but ASU is solidly her 2nd team. This cannot stand. Just the other day, she allowed it to affect her parenting when she actually contradicted me with our boy by telling him that he shouldn't say "Scum Devils". WTF?!?! Someone needs to think of the children. I trust that my Buffs will take on this sacred duty, rise up, and secure a bright future for my marriage and for my son's lifelong moral compass.

    Buffs 31, Scum Devils 20
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2015
    4DemBuffs, NW Buff, patebuff and 8 others like this.
  2. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    So ****ty the link to the last pic is broken. Must be a nasty one.
     
  3. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    Take a Valtrex and jump in that tent! image.jpg
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
  4. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    It's working for me. Maybe the pic is too big? Dammit! Do you have any idea it was to find a photo from inside Sapphire that was semi SFW?
     
  5. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    doesn't work on guest Wi-Fi at work, but sits on mobile. Net nanny win. Not you that's ****ty
     
  6. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    I didn't know they could stack sh!tty previews so high!
     
  7. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    I changed the pic. Hopefully it's working now.
     
  8. SerenityBuff

    SerenityBuff Club Member Club Member

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    A whole lotta chlamydia in this post.
     
  9. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    Pretty ****ty.
     
  10. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    Wardenburg can fix that for you.
     
  11. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    And give you crabs as a bonus! On a more serious note.. Bercovici's girl is such an ASU stereotype, and I mean that in a good way.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
  12. Duff Man

    Duff Man Moderator Club Member Junta Member

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    Best one yet.
     
  13. Buffalo Brad

    Buffalo Brad Club Member Club Member

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    Scum Devils, **** em and a great ****ty preview
     
  14. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    Sir. Save your negativity for the soccer thread. Good day!
     
  15. Lukeasaurus

    Lukeasaurus Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha I thought it was going to end with that.
     
  16. patebuff

    patebuff Downgraded to half a star Club Member

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    What a terrible preview. Real ****ty
     
  17. Liver

    Liver modded mod Club Member Junta Member

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    brilliant rubbish!

    has anyone else wondered why so many of the asu student-strippers are self-declared pre-med majors?

    and, also, have you actually ever met a real doctor from asu (tanned, giant fake boobs, tramp stamp, etc.)?

    there seems to be a disconnect somewhere along the line...
     
  18. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    I'm pretty sure they all work at FedEx.
     
  19. TedBuff

    TedBuff Member

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    Nicely done! Really hoping this could be our turning point of the season.
    34-31 Buffs
     
  20. SJBuff

    SJBuff Club Member Club Member

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    There's a bunch of scum devils at my work. They all work in the materials/supply chain organization, and they all suck at their jobs. You'd think that with all the practice they had taking orders at Hooters they would be able to place orders with our vendors. Maybe we should put a pole up in their cube section.
     
  21. The Ogre

    The Ogre Club Member Club Member

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    This may be total UBL, but "pre- med" in Tempe is a host of courses designed to class the hotties up just enough that a physician won't be overly embarrassed being married to them.
     
  22. NW Buff

    NW Buff Club Member Club Member

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    Is that kind of like having the best Tuesday practice?
     
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  23. 4DemBuffs

    4DemBuffs Most admired poster Club Member

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    That was so ****ty, you listed the wrong network for watching the game. Nicely done.
     
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  24. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    Sh!t. I fixed it. Can't have it being that sh!tty.
     
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