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A really sh!tty preview of the Nicholls game

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by Buffnik, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    This week's sh!tty preview showcases the much-anticipated Week 4 battle between the mighty Buffs (2-1) and Nicholls (some FCS team). Saturday, September 26th, 11:30am, Folsom Field.

    Truly, they suck and the Buffs will crush them. This game promises to be a tremendous opportunity to, well, to enjoy some great Boulder weather, get sh!tfaced before noon, hang out with friends, and cheer on our boys from the greatest venue in college sports.

    Every game, my 7 year old talks about how excited he is to see Ralphie run and to hang out at the tailgate. The game is completely secondary for him. That's how I feel this week. And unlike in past years, I feel that way not because the Buffs are so bad that it makes me violently ill to watch them. In a nice change of pace, it's because I'm expecting our Buffs to deliver a curb stomping of epic proportions.

    [​IMG]

    What can I tell you about Nicholls?

    Not much.

    I apologize in advance for this week's sh!tty preview not rising to the high bar that previous editions have set for in-depth research and statistical analysis. But I did pick up some stuff by osmosis when reading posts, blogs and articles about the Buffs this week. More importantly, I got about 10 blissful hours of sleep last night after crashing on the couch as my wife was watching some sh!t on HGTV.

    So here's all you need to know about Nicholls:
    1. The school is located somewhere south of Colorado. I'm pretty sure it's in Louisiana.
    2. They've lost like 20 straight games -- including last week to Incarnate Word, which is actually a real college with an actual football team. Who knew?
    3. They do have a handful of guys who can probably play, since they've got some transfers from FBS programs on the roster. That includes former CU CB Jeff Hall. Weirdly, Nicholls is a destination for former Buff players looking to transfer. Lowell Williams and Keenan Canty also played their final season there in 2014.
    4. They prefer to be called "Nicholls", rather than "Nicholls State". You probably noticed the way I have respectfully conformed to that in this preview.
    5. Their mascot is a "Colonel" and they use a big red "N" for their logo. It's like they're the bayou Nebraska. Finally a reason to hate them.
    Here's that ****ing logo:
    [​IMG]

    And here's a mascot image that I found.
    [​IMG]

    Kind of creepy in a "we just got done watching 'The Wall' and, dude, you know what would be awesome?, if we used Geldof (Pink) singing 'Stop' as the template for the new mascot" kind of way.

    [​IMG]

    I wonder if that's their intro music? Might explain how they've lost 20 straight.

    More important to this Saturday's game, though, is the whole "call us Nicholls" thing. I once knew someone that we called by that name. Back when I was in college, there was a girl about whom we would say, "she looks like she was hit in the face with a bag of nickels." We called her Nickels. Sometimes Bag'O.

    [​IMG]
    Nice girl, though. Apparently I left a fraternity party with her one night. From what I vaguely remember, it was glorious. So I've got no reason to disparage a team wanting to be called Nicholls. Hence the aforementioned respect I've shown in this thread.

    I think that's all I've got. Looking forward to the [strike]bye week[/strike] big game.

    Buffs roll in this one. 45-3
     
    SBG, FChairbanks, Swish and 6 others like this.
  2. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    Pretty ****ty.
     
  3. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    Real ****ty score prediction. No SHUTOUT?
     
  4. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

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    More crappy than ****ty this time.
     
  5. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    I think you're returning to the level of sh!ttiness that we expect and deserve. Frankly, I was bit concerned last week.
     
  6. BuffNut99

    BuffNut99 Club Member Club Member

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    TL;DR version: Nik banged a 2 back in the day.
     
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  7. InTheBuff

    InTheBuff Club Member Club Member

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    that's a pile o **** prediction .... Buffs will score more than that
     
  8. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    I dunno he's clearly saying she's a nickle....so would that not make her a 5?
     
  9. BuffNut99

    BuffNut99 Club Member Club Member

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    Using that logic, if she were so ugly that it appeared that she had been "hit in the face with a bag of dimes," would she then be a 10?
     
  10. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    Would a bag of quarters make her a two-bit-whore?
     
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  11. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    of course. sheesh
     
  12. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    if two-bit means 25, then maybe
     
  13. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    Just out of curiosity, what did you think "two-bits" meant?
     
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  14. JPinCO

    JPinCO VP of Quantified Self Club Member

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    Reminds me of a joke:

    A man goes to his priest an says, "Father, you have to help me, I am getting married in a week and don't know anything about sex. I am still a virgin!"
    Priest says, "OK, this is what you do. Go home and put a dime in your right front pocket, and practice bumping your hip to the left... dime... dime."
    "OK." The guy goes home and practices. Comes back the next day. "I have it down, I am going to be great!"
    Priest says, "No, there's more. Go home and place a nickel in your left front pocket, a nickel in you're right front pocket, and practice moving your hips from left to the right... nickel... dime, nickel... dime."
    Guy leaves.... comes back the next day "Father, I have it down for sure this time."
    "No, my son, there are two other things you need to do. Place a quarter in your back pocket and a dollar bill over your belt buckle. Then practice moving your hips towards each pocket, nickel... dime... quarter... dollar."
    He leaves then returns the next day, "Father, is there any thing else I should know?"
    "No my son, just remember, nickel, dime, quarter, dollar."
    The wedding night finally arrives and he and his wife begin to have sex. He is whispering, nickel...dime...quarter...dollar; moving his hips in rhythm.
    The wife then begins to whisper, "Faster honey, faster!"
    He starts to concentrate: nickel, dime, quarter, dollar; nickel, dime, quarter, dollar; nickel, dime, quarter, dollar.
    The wife says, "c'mon, faster honey, faster!
    He speeds up: nickel dime quarter dollar nickel dime quarter dollar nickel dime quarter dollar
    The wife says, "DAMMIT I SAID FASTER!
    So the man says, "**** it! Buck forty, buck forty!!!"

    **note- a much better joke acted out, loudly, in public**
     
  15. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    cheap. you know like a nickle or dime and such. a quarter is rich.

    EDIT: TIL that a bit is 25 cents. thanks for educating me again Professor
     
  16. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    Shave and a haircut...
     
  17. bombay

    bombay Club Member Club Member

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    Incarnate Word beat a big ten team in basketball last year, didn't they? Michigan? Michigan St?
     
  18. RK

    RK UBL Club Member

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    Nebraska.
     
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  19. RK

    RK UBL Club Member

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    Ah that does that automatically! Was thinking you guys were ridiculously uniform on that one lol.
     
  20. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    The next example of our higher level programming will happen when it shows up as ****Baylor whenever anyone types "Baylor". I dare to dream. :LOL:
     
  21. 4DemBuffs

    4DemBuffs Most admired poster Club Member

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    That was so bad, Nik should be banned for a week.
     
  22. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    Or at least Until Watts gets back on that plane.
     
  23. sackman

    sackman Club Member Club Member

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    Once again, sh!tty preview is sh!tty.
     
  24. patebuff

    patebuff Downgraded to half a star Club Member

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    It's getting ****tier each week. Great work!
     
  25. Buffalo Brad

    Buffalo Brad Club Member Club Member

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    A ****ty fine job Nik!
     

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