1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A really ****ty preview of the 2016 Oregon State game

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by Buffnik, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    80,536
    Likes Received:
    16,155
    Week 5. The magnificent Colorado Buffaloes are 3-1 and just outside the Top 25. Life is good. Saturday at 12:30, the OSU Beavers visit Folsom Field for Family Weekend on what should be a gorgeous autumn afternoon on the biggest recruiting weekend of the season.

    Before we begin this week's really ****ty preview, I thought it would be good to reflect on what last Saturday's victory means to me as a Buffs fan.

    Relief and satisfaction that the Buffs finally broke through?
    [​IMG]
    Yes, but that's not quite it. Maybe what I am feeling is excitement for the future?
    [​IMG]
    Sure, but that's not it either. Pride in the way the team took care of business?
    [​IMG]
    I guess. But it's so much more than that. Joy of victory?
    [​IMG]
    Again, there's that. But it's bigger than that.

    I think I've got it. Saturday was a reminder of what is best in life and what being a CU Buffaloes football fan is supposed to be like.
    [​IMG]

    Here come the assholes! CU is back and so are its fans!

    So let's talk about this team from Corvallis and this week's matchup.

    OSU sucks and CU will crush them!

    What else is there to say? I've been trying to think of reasons to have a special kind of hate for Oregon Lite. It's hard. In fact, in doing research for this ****ty preview, there was a part of me that kind of liked them.

    Exhibit A - Jodi Ann Paterson (Oregon Lite grad by way of Indonesia & Playmate of the Year 2000)
    [​IMG]
    If this is what Larry Scott means when he says that his strategy is to generate more interest in the Asia-Pacific region and attract more talent to Pac-12 campuses, I am totally on board.

    Exhibit B - Possibly the 2 greatest football arrests of this century

    1. Tyler Thomas
    In August of 2010, police received a call about a home invasion. When they arrived, they encountered a drunk - and naked - Tyler Thomas inside the house. Thomas reacted by getting into a 3 point stance and charging the police officers, who had to tase him to bring him down and get him into custody. If that isn't on a Hollywood script writer's desk as he pens the next great football movie, it needs to be. Only negative here is that Mike Riley had to kick him off the team. Probably why he left for Nebraska since they sweep stuff like that under the rug there as long as the player doesn't make a public display of social consciousness.

    2. Ben Siegert
    In April of 2005, the ultimate football player arrest occurred. Oregon Lite University was conducting research on homosexuality in sheep. DT Siegert decided that this was a great opportunity to become a criminal legend by stealing a ram from the study. Police caught him behind the wheel of his truck, he blew a .14 BAC, and the sheep was found in the back. The only thing that could have made this better would have been if he'd then transferred to CSU.
    [​IMG]

    Exhibit C - you know what? There isn't one. These last couple things got me thinking about the Nubs & Rams. Now I'm pissed off because I've realized that those ****ers up in Corvalis combine the inferiority complex of CSU with Nebraska's low class hypocrisy. It's the one place in the entire ****ing state where the strippers wear panties, for ****'s sake!

    **** Oregon Lite!

    Does everyone realize how pathetic they are and how long this goes back? They like to talk about being the oldest university with the most going on with land grants and the best academics in the state. But the truth is they all know the score and they wish they were UO.

    Their most notable alumnus - I kid you not - was Thomas Autzen. He was every stereotype of an Oregon man of the late 1800s. Pioneer. Made his fortune in the lumber industry. And like every Oregon Lite grad since the beginning, his legacy was that his family parlayed his success and their inheritance into buying their way into the state's high society. Nothing like funding a stadium project in Eugene to make people forget that your family was associated with Oregon Lite.
    [​IMG]

    And then there's the whole Beaver thing. Yeah, yeah. You've heard all the "beaver is slang for a woman's secret garden" jokes. But despite that, it's worth looking into more deeply. Not because it's going to get funny again, but because it's another example of Oregon Lite's inferiority. Down in Eugene, they used subtlety to score big by making their official hand sign the same as what the deaf use to say "vagina".
    [​IMG]
    Funny. Kudos to them. But at Oregon Lite, they decide to tell the same joke but hit you over the damn head with it. "We're the Beavers! Get it? Hahahaha." It's just sad.

    Beyond that, they can't even decide what type of "Beaver" they want to be. For most of their existence, they were content with being cute and hairy. Then, for a while, they decided to look crazy and maybe a bit dangerous. Now, sharp fangs, smooth & sleek, and straight out of a Japanese graphic horror novel.
    [​IMG]
    I don't exactly know what they're trying to tell us here, but it's certainly not as welcoming as the southern hospitality we see in South Carolina.
    [​IMG]

    When you do the research (and the really ****ty preview is nothing if not research intensive), the source of this deep-seeded anger is revealed.

    The male beaver was hunted to near extinction. Not for the fur. I mean, who the **** wants to wear a beaver coat anyway? Nah. They just had to figure out how to make use of the scraps. What these hunters were after was their balls.
    [​IMG]
    For centuries and continuing to this day, beaver testicles have been used to create an extract that is used as a common food additive. That "natural flavoring" that's in products that sort of taste like vanilla but don't include vanilla on the ingredient list? Beaver testicle secretions. Or, more specifically, a special taint sack secretion. Yum.

    In Canada (**** Canada, too), those crazy bitches would make a tea out of dried and ground up beaver balls because they thought it would prevent pregnancy.
    [​IMG]
    Yeah, it's ridiculous and gross. But with every other poor sonovabitch animal that gets its nuts harvested, at least they can take a little pride and solace that they're used as aphrodisiacs. With the lowly beaver, it's quite the opposite.

    Which brings us around again to the inferiority complex, false pride and wacky fixations -- as evidenced by the state motto:
    [​IMG]

    So what does this all mean on Saturday?

    Buffs dominate and Oregon Lite's players fly home Saturday night wondering why they didn't commit to Eastern Washington while their coaches reminisce about the good times in Wisconsin. Their cheerleaders, I expect, will find a way to stay until Sunday.
    [​IMG]

    Buffs come out of the gates fast again, put Oregon Lite away early, and make it impossible to deny the mighty Buffaloes a spot in the national polls next week.

    CU - 55
    OSU - 3

    Go Buffs!
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2016
  2. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2008
    Messages:
    56,882
    Likes Received:
    4,911
    Pretty ****ty. Need more research into that. Pan-asian theory. For unkle ken
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  3. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    80,536
    Likes Received:
    16,155
    Again, a brief headstart on the really ****ty preview for our Club Members. (I'll have next week's posted in Barzil 2 by Tuesday, as usual.)
     
  4. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2010
    Messages:
    31,650
    Likes Received:
    4,346
    Exceptionally ****ty! **** Baylor!
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  5. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2011
    Messages:
    13,822
    Likes Received:
    3,575
    ****ty stuff.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  6. Highlander

    Highlander Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,236
    Likes Received:
    1,538
    Try a quick Bing image search and simply turn off the safe search filter. I'm not sure she owns many more outfits than the one Nik shows her in.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  7. buffaholic

    buffaholic Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    10,145
    Likes Received:
    1,607
    There's a safe search filter? Why would that be turned on by default? Must be a Bing thing (is that still around)?
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  8. Highlander

    Highlander Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,236
    Likes Received:
    1,538
    Bing's non-safe search settings are quite liberal, so to speak. No key words needed.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  9. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Messages:
    27,276
    Likes Received:
    5,915
    [​IMG]
    Before you discount this option for game attire on Saturday, consider that he is wearing a white tshirt and that he also presumably cums in white.

    Very ****ty preview, Nik.
    Smells of Beaver anus glands.
     
    Highlander and Buffnik like this.
  10. Swish

    Swish Half a bubble off Club Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    4,197
    Likes Received:
    548
    Good stuff Nik! You really stepped in it big time for this ****ty preview!
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  11. Buffalo Brad

    Buffalo Brad Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2005
    Messages:
    8,933
    Likes Received:
    1,172
    I figured you would pelt them with some ****ty jokes in the ****ty preview. Typical 1* mod/****ty writer effort
     
    Buffnik and Swish like this.
  12. sackman

    sackman Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    48,412
    Likes Received:
    4,434
    One of the ****tiest beaver previews I've ever seen.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  13. boulder77

    boulder77 Certified Organic Club Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,164
    Likes Received:
    355
    Don't quit your day job.




    Oh, this IS your day job? Well, then, uhhhhh ..... keep up the sh!tty work. (y)
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  14. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,702
    Likes Received:
    1,549
    Fecal. Pretty damned fecal
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  15. Shldr2Shldr

    Shldr2Shldr Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
    Messages:
    16,815
    Likes Received:
    4,986
    Man. Nik this is garbage. Super ****ty.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  16. Buffskier

    Buffskier Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,038
    Likes Received:
    404
    Truly sh***y job Nik... Hope the Buffs put more effort into waxing the beavers this week.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  17. CUBuff98

    CUBuff98 Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2009
    Messages:
    774
    Likes Received:
    163
    Exceptionally ****ty preview!
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  18. The Ogre

    The Ogre Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    692
    I thought it was pretty decent.
     
    Bufffan68 likes this.
  19. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    80,536
    Likes Received:
    16,155
    **** you!
     
  20. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2011
    Messages:
    17,388
    Likes Received:
    5,218
    You're clearly wiping the wrong way. That was the ****tiest beaver ever!
     
  21. BuffUp

    BuffUp W.T.T.F. Club Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5,723
    Likes Received:
    955
    Really ****ty as usual

     
  22. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Messages:
    27,276
    Likes Received:
    5,915
    How do you like those apples?

    May want to drive around that.


    Somebody please make that video into a gif for use in future ****ty threads.
     
  23. Bliff Cranch

    Bliff Cranch Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2016
    Messages:
    224
    Likes Received:
    179
    Worthy of being shat upon from a very great height
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  24. BuffUp

    BuffUp W.T.T.F. Club Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5,723
    Likes Received:
    955
    Skiddy - your screen name was built for Niks previews
     
    Clean Undies and Buffnik like this.
  25. Buffs35

    Buffs35 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2010
    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    176
    I believe Carrie Jean Underwood attended OSU, oversight. I guess s***ty preview isn't just a clever name.
     
    Buffnik likes this.
  26. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    80,536
    Likes Received:
    16,155
    Sara Jean Underwood?

    Playmate of the Year 2007

    Not a graduate. Attended OSU and Portland State.

    Definite oversight. That's a proud history of Oregon Lite at producing talent.

    She seems like a cool chick you'd want to take on a nature hike.
    [​IMG]
     
    Yung Buffalo and BuffUp like this.
  27. Highlander

    Highlander Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,236
    Likes Received:
    1,538
    Yep, that was worth another Bing Search with "Safe Search" turned off.
     
    Fight CU and Buffnik like this.
  28. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,702
    Likes Received:
    1,549
    I feel like her name should be Sara Jean Underboob - given her over-abundance of said pics.
     
    Buffnik and Highlander like this.
  29. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    80,536
    Likes Received:
    16,155
    Over-abundance of underboob pics? Is that a thing that exists for people? :confused:
     
    SuperiorBuff and Darth Snow like this.
  30. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,702
    Likes Received:
    1,549
    better?
     
    Buffnik likes this.

Share This Page