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A really ****ty preview of the 2016 Rocky Mountain Showdown

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by Buffnik, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    The 2016 season kicks off this Friday, 6:05 pm, at Invesco Sports Authority Mile High in Denver when the mighty Buffaloes host CSU in the mostly annual Rocky Mountain Showdown, sponsored by Cinch Jeans Albertson's/Safeway some business we are thankful and proud to be associated with.

    Normally the ****ty preview is pretty much a stream of consciousness rant about the allsomeness of the Golden Buffaloes and the pathetic weakness of that week's opponent and its fans.

    But after watching this heartwarming story of two buffaloes and a goat that became family, I was feeling nothing but love and wanted to celebrate this coming together of the two largest fanbases in the state of Colorado.


    So, in the spirit of Bluebell, Rosebud and Josie, I decided to bring the kumbaya. Maybe class up the place with some real journalism and do an in-depth interview in the spirit of friendship.

    So I contacted Ramnation and was introduced to self-described “CSU superfan” Cam Jones, who was gracious enough to, as he put it, “drop the 411 on the Fluffaloes, yo”.
    [​IMG]
    Me: Before we get into talking about the game, maybe you could tell Allbuffs a little about yourself. Is your name really “Cam”?

    Cam: Short for "Camaro", the dopest car there is. Mom said I was probably conceived on the hood of one. So that’s what she named me.

    Me: So.... would you like me to call you “Cam” or “Camaro”?

    Cam: “Cam”, man, like the greatest mascot in the world! ‘Cause I bring it like Cam the Ram thundering down the field.

    Me: I thought it was a goat. But, OK. And you’re a student at CSU?

    Cam: Damn straight! Majoring in Animal Husbandry.

    Me: And how’s that going?

    Cam: Not quite what I expected. I think it’s the kind of thing you do, not something you learn in books. I might switch my major to Beer.

    Me: Moving on. Will you be at the game on Friday?

    Cam: No way, you stupid hippie! This is the one game a year I get to see CSU on tv. And some fluffalo idiot will pay me 50 bucks for my ticket. Score! More cash for the name change jar!

    Me: Huh? I thought you liked the name “Cam” or “Camaro”, whichever?

    Cam: Not my first name. Duh! Been saving up so I can change my last name from “Jones” to “Van Pelt”. Mom said Bradlee -praise be thy name- might have been one of the guys that night in the parking lot on the Camaro. I’m sure he’s my dad. You’d know it too if you saw how far I can chuck the pigskin.

    Me: Oookaayyyy. What can you tell me about the CSU team this year?

    Cam: We’re gonna win the Big 12 and play for the national championship!

    Me: Well, alrighty then. Um, so, ignoring the fact that CSU is not in the Big 12 and has finished the season ranked only like 3 times in its 100+ year history… who do you think will win the Rocky Mountain Showdown?

    Cam: Rams! Suck it, tree hugger! We win every year.

    Me: You lost last year.

    Cam: No we didn’t. Maybe lay off the hippie lettuce. (snickers)

    Me: Seriously. You lost. You’ve lost 4 of the last 6. Historically, CU wins about 75% of the time.

    Cam: BRADLEE! BRADLEE! BRADLEE!

    And that pretty much concluded the interview once I gave him some bus fare so he’d go away. It also ended the kumbaya. I don't know what the **** I was thinking.

    Thank you Cam, for agreeing to the interview and bringing me back to my senses.

    So, let's talk about those inbreds up north and their sheep ****ing obsession. Actually, strike that. This official CSU video pretty much says it all.


    Maybe we can talk about coaching? Sure, Bobo looks and sounds like Slingblade. But I'm not gonna go there. It's been done. Then I thought I'd had a stroke of comedic inspiration, but apparently that idea had already been done on Game Day.
    [​IMG]
    But what really strikes me is the ridiculous sandbagging he's trying to pull off this year. Half the team seems to be in a walking boot. :rolleyes: He refuses to even tell his team who their starting quarterback is. :rolleyes: My theory is that his inspiration for this season came from power watching reruns of Coach this offseason as he sat by his phone waiting for any recruit to call him back.
    [​IMG]
    The year Coach Fox won the national championship at Minnesota State, his "genius" ploy in the title game was playing almost the entire game without his star quarterback, pretending he was injured, only to bring him in for the deciding series at the end when the team really needed a score.

    And as I thought of this and realized that Coach Hayden Fox is Bobo's idol and inspiration, it hit me like I was shot with a diamond bullet right through my forehead... Bobo = Dauber. The former player hired to the staff despite seeming to have taken a few too many shots to the cranium.
    [​IMG]

    And much like living in a fantasy world where a fictional tv series is the basis for your game plan, the CSU fan base believes 4 things:

    1. CSU is the flagship school for the state of Colorado.
    2. CSU will be granted AAU membership as a leader in academic research.
    3. CSU will be chosen as a new member of the Big 12.
    4. Lady Gaga is coming to their new stadium.

    Actually, I think the Gaga thing might have something to it. Signs point to her having an affinity for the grooming habits of CSU co-eds.
    [​IMG]

    So, without further ado, the game prediction.

    Buffs roll. Big plays out of the passing game. Running lanes you could drive a truck through. Tupou and the boys stone the CSU run game and Chido's gang has a field day picking off passes.

    CU 52 - CSU 3

    Why 3? Because CSU kicks a late field goal against the 3rd stringers which allows its fans to talk for the next 12 months about how they captured momentum at the end and would have won if the game had just been a little longer. (If they don't selectively forget that they didn't win, that is.)

    Go Buffs!
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
  2. 96 Buff

    96 Buff Resident Commie Bastard Club Member Junta Member

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    Tl;dr
     
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  3. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    In depth analysis. You can't pay for this kind of reporting!

    Camaro. hah.
     
  4. Alfred91

    Alfred91 Club Member Club Member

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    I can't believe I watched both of those videos to the end.
     
  5. GoBuffs08

    GoBuffs08 Well-Known Member

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    Allsome
     
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  6. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Club Member Club Member

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    That was ****ty!
     
  7. goalline

    goalline Jedi Master Club Member

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    That Adele parody was hilarious ****ty. I can't believe someone went to the effort to film that.
     
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  8. Buffsrock85

    Buffsrock85 Well-Known Member

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    CAMARO is the coolest car there is. I would know, because I own one. But now that I know this guy does I might have to change, it's kind of insulting.
     
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  9. Yung Buffalo

    Yung Buffalo Club Member Club Member

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    Now that's some ****
     
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  10. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

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    Does your Camaro have a dent in the hood roughly the shape of a portly CSU co-ed with "Bradlee waz hear" scratched into the side panel?
     
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  11. Buffsrock85

    Buffsrock85 Well-Known Member

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    Also, lol wtf is that video? Somebody actually filmed that? That's a lot of effort to do something so stupid...
     
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  12. Buffsrock85

    Buffsrock85 Well-Known Member

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    Come to think of it! The dealership told me it came that way in shipping and they'd fix it! Great! Now I not only own the car a CSU fan loves, the dude was conceived on it. He grew really fast in 3 years though.
     
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  13. Mighty Buff

    Mighty Buff Asshat BANNED

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    What a great song.
     
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  14. Buffalo Brad

    Buffalo Brad Club Member Club Member

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    Drop the mike and walk off stage. Beautiful
     
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  15. patebuff

    patebuff Downgraded to half a star Club Member

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    I think you found your calling in life. Greatness!
     
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  16. Bufffan68

    Bufffan68 Club Member Club Member

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    I'm smelling a Pulitzer. Oh wait...that's my grandson...time to change the diaper :ROFLMAO:
     
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  17. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

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    CSU fan is not impressed.
    [​IMG]
     
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  18. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    Looking forward to your post-game interview with El Cam, who was conceived In the bed of an El Camino.
     
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  19. BuffUp

    BuffUp W.T.T.F. Club Member

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    That's Good Nik, except the knock on the Camaro
     
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  20. goalline

    goalline Jedi Master Club Member

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    Some higher octane fuel and good detergent cleanse should take care of that knock.
     
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  21. Liver

    Liver modded mod Club Member Junta Member

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    that was an excellent interview. i feel it captured the essence of lamb fan. in fact, i could almost smell the sheep **** emanating from the website.

    author! author!
     
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  22. SerenityBuff

    SerenityBuff Club Member Club Member

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    Dauber was a hell of a special teams coach. He'd have Diego nailing every kick from the left hash.
     
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  23. Swish

    Swish Half a bubble off Club Member

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    You out did yourself Nik! Pressures on to keep it up Thanks, And I think your score may not be that far off.
     
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  24. dply

    dply Doble hoja Club Member

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    He is too busy picketing Illegal Pete's.
     
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  25. FChairbanks

    FChairbanks muthaka slayer Club Member

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    could be your best one yet...great work dudehead.
     
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  26. lvbuff

    lvbuff Well-Known Member

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    Still smells like a recently f*cked butthole.
     
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  27. mdelpizzo_1

    mdelpizzo_1 My Dixie Wrecked Club Member

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  28. FChairbanks

    FChairbanks muthaka slayer Club Member

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    wtf?
     
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  29. lvbuff

    lvbuff Well-Known Member

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    Inside joke
     
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  30. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo huff my smug Club Member

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    So to speak.
     
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