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If college football programs were countries

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by InTheBuff, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. InTheBuff

    InTheBuff Club Member Club Member

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    United States of America -- Louisiana State

    A very powerful, capable nation. The military is powerful but sometimes struggles on the road against vastly inferior competition (Tulane, North Vietnam, Korea, Ole Miss). Both have retained power despite having questionable head honchos (Les Miles, Barack Obama, George W Bush) and downright idiotic assistants (see Kragthorpe, Steve...or Quayle, Daniel). Loathed by many across the landscape.


    France -- Notre Dame

    Soft. White flag of surrender is displayed VERY quickly when up against much tougher opponents (Stanford, Great Britian). Haven't won a major battle in decades/centuries but still pride themselves as a power. And really, there's no discernable reason why these guys can't win. It must be in their DNA.


    Spain -- Louisville

    What the f*** happened to these guys? Once feared, both are now pitied by the likes of Belgium/Kentucky.

    Italy -- Texas A&M

    Can't actually win any wars on their own merit, so they join whichever faction that can actually accomplish something of note (SEC, Allied Forces). Known for flip-flopping and changing their mind about pressing issues such as fascism in the western world and the Longhorn Network. The parallel between these two otherwise unrelated issues is that Italy/A&M were not powerful enough to set these ideas in motion, but chose to blindly follow them in a way you'd expect a vulture to stalk a lion. If anyone has ever visited flamewarriors.com, you are probably aware of the "Big Dog and me, Too" caricacture featuing a small weiner dog standing on the shoulder of a bulldog. Guess which one of those creatures Italy/A&M represents?


    Ancient Greece -- UConn

    Not particularly adept at war. When pressed, can occasionally beat mediocre opponents via trickery (Trojan Horse, Trojan Fair Catch).


    Mexico -- San Jose State

    Run down, irrelevant entities with severe drug issues. When you are visibly pleased when you ALMOST take down a fledgling United States or friggin UCLA, you have problems.


    Canada -- South Florida

    Little brother in every sense of the word. They seem to know their place, which differentiates themselves from France and Italy. It's not like they've done any worse than those countries in recent history either.


    Switzerland -- Wake Forst

    Brooding powers. They bide their time, patiently waiting for the perfect moment to strike their unsuspecting prey. Tread carefully.


    Vatican City -- Baylor

    On paper, they look utterly useless...because they ARE utterly useless. C'mon, you can't possibly expect these religious-based, utterly inert failures to be much use for anything. Are overshadowed by shadows (Italy/Texas A&M).


    Russia -- Rutgers/South Carolina

    Russia is huge, so I'll divide it into two football programs. Under poor leadership from incompetent, self-serving czars (Alexander, Nicholas, Eras, Shea), they suffered badly and were terrible for many years. Forgive them for interpreting their current stretch of mediocrity as a sign of greatness. They need this.


    Japan -- Stanford

    Strong leadership and intellect has gotten them into the positions they are in today. I have a ton of respect for both.


    Holy Roman Empire -- Texas

    Everything within their sphere of influence is affected by what they do. Those who do not comply with their rules run the risk of getting fed to lions/Greg Davis.


    There are others as well. Feel free to write in your own.
     
  2. Jens1893

    Jens1893 Moderator Club Member Junta Member

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    Germany - Texas

    Often accused of bully like behaviour, both are (the only?) financially solvent members of their borderline bankrupt and completely dysfunctional families, which they are currently scrambling to save.
     
  3. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

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    Albania -- CSU

    No explanation needed.
     
  4. Mick Ronson

    Mick Ronson Well-Known Member

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    actually, the old joke i used to hear is: "Texans are like the French...they think they are really cool, but no one else does".
     
  5. Bob4Buffs

    Bob4Buffs New Member

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    And the French wear designer underwear, don't bathe, use lots of perfume....is that a Frenchman or Longhorn manure?
     

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