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A really ****ty preview of the 2016 Oregon game

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by Buffnik, Sep 22, 2016.

  1. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    This Saturday, we start Pac-12 play. Our magnificent Buffaloes return from a frustrating loss at Michigan. Fortunately, I stopped recording after UM's first defensive stop, so that bad boy could very well stay on my DVR forever. (y) Anyway, Buffs are now 2-1 and will travel to Eugene to take on the Ducks, also 2-1 after a shameful loss to ****braska in the only game I have ever rooted for Oregon. Kickoff is 3:30 MT on the Pac-12 Network.

    This week, the storylines that seem to dominate the media are about the injuries to each team, questions about the rise of the Buffaloes and fall of the Ducks, and whether CU's inability to kick or punt or UO's unwillingness to kick or punt while failing at the alternatives is the bigger handicap. You can read about that stuff elsewhere. This is the ****ty preview.

    The key to this game is that Oregon sucks and the Buffs will crush them.

    As a wise man once eloquently stated, "I have grown this hate for Oregon."
    [​IMG]
    So let's talk about that.

    Oregon is a place with no history and nothing going for it. It's located in a second-rate town in the middle of nowhere that smells like mildew. At least I think it was mildew. Might be that disgusting green sludge that ends up covering the water wherever ducks congregate. (We'll get back to that vile animal in a bit.)

    Academically, there is absolutely no reason to attend that university unless your dream is to parlay a degree into bossing around Asian children as they toil 18 hours a day in a Nike sweat shop.

    Athletically, their "glorious" history = one guy. Some skeezy looking runner. But for Oregon, such a big deal that he's their Rudy Gipper. They even made a movie about him.
    [​IMG]
    So what happens when a place like this ends up with a wealthy donor who makes it his life mission to make them relevant?

    They throw money at it to create a new narrative. Marketing like has never been seen in a college athletics department. Breaking of all the rules. At first, it actually seemed kind of fresh to people. It drew attention. They sold sex by recruiting cheerleaders like they were looking for Coppertone models. And Coach Corine Lewis both led by example and brought in the talent.
    [​IMG]
    Hell, they even went with the "O" as their hand sign.
    [​IMG]

    They grabbed attention with crazy uniform designs that glow in the dark. It was different. Kids loved it and adults couldn't get it out of their heads.


    But at a certain point, the gilded whore doesn't look so fresh any more. She gets tired, worn and ridiculous as she tries to look hot while giving you the duck face.
    [​IMG]

    They start trying too hard. Then try harder when they still can't get your attention. Eventually, the end of their nice little run is signaled by a desperate effort to make a duck seem cool. Enter "Roboduck".
    [​IMG]
    It's just sad at this point.

    It was also inevitable.

    And it all goes back to the duck. The perfect symbol for Oregon. A dirty, greasy, wallower in its own **** that drops dead immediately when it takes a shot.

    But intensive research revealed the deeper reasons for the massive inferiority complex and weirdness which explains the behavior at Oregon:


    That's right. It all comes down to the corkscrew penis. I'd almost feel sorry for them if they didn't also engage in gay necrophilia.

    But let's not forget the Duck women and the strange frustration that results from their unique relations. I mean, a reverse corkscrew vagina that's pretty much the opposite of the lock that would fit the corkscrew penis key? Considering the intrinsic problems, I suppose it's commendable that they do their best to make due.
    [​IMG]

    Buffs dominate the line of scrimmage while our playmaking secondary and receiving corp break this game open. The short-lived success of duck dynasty ends as Colorado proves that The Rise Is Real.

    Golden Buffaloes - 42
    Corkscrew Penises - 10

    Go Buffs!
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2016
  2. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    As I've been doing, club members getting a ****ty preview of the ****ty preview before I move it to the football board tomorrow.

    Enjoy!
     
    Bufffan68 likes this.
  3. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    Reasonably ****ty. I admire your restraint in not mentioning meth.

    Like house of pain was gonna do anything.
     
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  4. Buffalo Brad

    Buffalo Brad Club Member Club Member

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    Just ****ty enough! I like it
     
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  5. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo AnalExplosionDeathMatch Club Member

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    Excellent read for my morning constitutional!

    Also, I have it on good authority that it's a great place to grow up if you like to **** sheep.

    Isn't Orr from Orregon?
     
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  6. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    In Oregon, its against the law to pump your own sheep.

    A guy comes out and pumps your sheep for you.
     
  7. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo AnalExplosionDeathMatch Club Member

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  8. Swish

    Swish Half a bubble off Club Member

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    Well done Nik. Your work this season is very strong, easily surpasses last year!
     
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  9. Burrito Palazzo

    Burrito Palazzo AnalExplosionDeathMatch Club Member

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    I'm finding it to be far ****tier.
     
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  10. MiamiBuffs

    MiamiBuffs Wᴉɐɯᴉ qnɟɟs Club Member

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  11. FChairbanks

    FChairbanks muthaka slayer Club Member

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    They serve Corkscrew Penis On A Stick in their stadium?

    That's just bizarre...
     
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  12. Darth Snow

    Darth Snow Hawaiian Buffalo Club Member Junta Member

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    I feel like you didn't do a ****ty enough eval of their cheerleaders. That said, I'm going to spend the rest of the day pondering corkscrew vaginas.
     
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  13. J.R. Ewing

    J.R. Ewing Club Member Club Member

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    ****tier than I expected.
    [​IMG]
     
  14. Denver_sc

    Denver_sc Club Member Club Member

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    Fun fact:

     
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  15. Shldr2Shldr

    Shldr2Shldr Club Member Club Member

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    This makes so much more sense.

    Nik I am disappointed that you didn't bring attention to the fact that the ducks have a very useful reminder on their helmets every week. They make sure the world knows how many national titles that pitiful program has won.

    Truly ****ty. As usual.
     
  16. BuffUp

    BuffUp Go Buffs Club Member

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    Short, but ****ty. That was some vial excrement of the fecal matter.
    [​IMG]
     
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  17. RiverBuff

    RiverBuff Club Member Club Member

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    "EUGENE, Ore. — When University of Oregon football fans cheer their team, they often hold out their hands in the shape of the letter “O,” for Oregon.

    If this makes some Ducks players blush, it is because many of them chose sign language to fulfill their foreign language requirement, and in sign language, the fans are saying — screaming, really — the word vagina. "

    A metaphor could not express it better.
     
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  18. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    Perhaps a metaphor couldn't. But Denver_SC could.
     
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  19. Bufffan68

    Bufffan68 Club Member Club Member

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    Would it be insulting if I told you this was really good?
     
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  20. Uncle Ken

    Uncle Ken Orr no morr Club Member

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    You're a dick.
     
  21. Shldr2Shldr

    Shldr2Shldr Club Member Club Member

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    **** you.
     
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  22. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    this ****ing sucks. shi_tpost!
     
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  23. Buffnik

    Buffnik Real name isn't Nik Club Member Junta Member

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    WTF, man?!?!

    :mad::mad::mad:
     
  24. Randy.Watson

    Randy.Watson Club Member Club Member

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  25. Bufffan68

    Bufffan68 Club Member Club Member

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    OMG guys...it's a joke! I thought it was really ****ty...I swear!
     
  26. sackman

    sackman Club Member Club Member

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  27. RiverBuff

    RiverBuff Club Member Club Member

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    Hmmm . . . maybe that's why I 'quoted' him.
     
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  28. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    More about that iconic Oregon O ...

    image.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2016
  29. goalline

    goalline smh Club Member

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    Must be easy to get an "A" in that class if half the team is in it. ****ty program.
     
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  30. Fight CU

    Fight CU Club Member Club Member

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    sh)tpost
     
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