What's new
AllBuffs | Unofficial fan site for the University of Colorado at Boulder Athletics programs

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • Prime Time. Prime Time. Its a new era for Colorado football. Consider signing up for a club membership! For $20/year, you can get access to all the special features at Allbuffs, including club member only forums, dark mode, avatars and best of all no ads ! But seriously, please sign up so that we can pay the bills. No one earns money here, and we can use your $20 to keep this hellhole running. You can sign up for a club membership by navigating to your account in the upper right and clicking on "Account Upgrades". Make it happen!

A really ****ty preview of the 2016 Arizona State game

Buffnik

Real name isn't Nik
Club Member
Junta Member
Week 7 is upon us and so is the really ****ty preview of the upcoming battle between the glorious Colorado Buffaloes (4-2, 2-1) and the Arizona State Sun Devils (5-1, 2-1). First place in the Pac-12 South is on the line this Saturday at 6:00 pm MT at Folsom Field, broadcast on PACN.

Before we get started, I wanted to apologize for the tardiness of this week's edition. There's a process here. I would think of the game, get excited, and then try to get in the right frame of mind by watching episodes of The Rise. Unfortunately, this led to me needing a lot of breaks as I'd reach ultimate excitement, then quickly lose interest in doing anything except taking a nap. The Rise 3 launching this morning about wore me out.



But I powered through to get this done. There was also a lot of work involved. After doing in-depth roster analysis, sifting though mountains of advanced stats, trends and cutting edge analytics, the ****ty preview has identified the 3 key factors for this week's game:

1. ASU sucks.
2. CU will crush them.
3. THE BUFFS DO NOT LOSE IN COLORADO!!!

Beyond that, though, there had to be more. So many directions to go, but I either went there last year or a ton of other people have done so.

Academic smack about ASU? Hell, it's a national joke that appears even in movies and tv shows. I mean, it's funny, but if I spent this space on nothing but that I'd feel like I was mailing this in. Too easy.
images


So not that. Or not really. We could also go into some other things like the coach being a completely full of **** cheesedick. We could talk about a tradition of being willing to hire anyone in the pursuit of winning, as evidenced by bringing in Dennis Erickson after he'd almost gotten the death penalty for Miami. We could talk about the overblown way they've turned the memory of Pat Tillman into bull**** martyr-worship and pile onto the numerous articles that have reported that the guy was as much an asshole as he was a hero. We could go with a more popular approach and just post pics of hot ASU women being naughty. (Which, as an aside, was another major delay in writing this week's edition. The amount of amateur porn you find with safe search off and the key words "asu slut" is exhausting.)
f9c7c9ef113065123eaf175fce001d8e.png


But none of those things, on its own, really capture the essence of the place, why ASU sucks, and why CU will crush them this Saturday.

ASU is superficial. ASU is low class. ASU is the lowest common denominator for a college. That's the only place this can go. Well, there and I think I'll change my mind on the "pics of hot ASU women being naughty" thing since it's so important to analyzing this week's game.

When I lived in Vegas, the locals struggled to find places to vacation where they could cut loose and have a moral holiday. If they had the money, they'd go to southeast Asia for the gambling and sex tourism. If they weren't quite so well off but still had some money squirreled away, they'd head to Mexico to take in a donkey show or a spring break hotspot.
alterego-sml.jpg

But for an inexpensive trip, they'd head to Arizona. Either to Lake Havasu where aspiring porn starlets would party on the water... or to Tempe, where aspiring porn starlets were picking up a few college credits. It was a nice opportunity to talk to the strippers who only came into Vegas for the weekend cash by seeing them in the informal setting of their home town.

I'm no prude and I have no problem with porn. I also have no issue with sluts. Sluts of the female variety have significantly enriched my life experience and I am thankful to them. So, really, this week's really ****ty preview is a bit of a tribute, embracing the culture of that school.

Being America's Stripper University is pretty awesome.

ASU offers valuable courses that prepare their types of students for their future (or current) occupations. Not all universities can say this.
Screen Shot 2016-10-14 at 2.48.41 PM.png
They have built a culture that celebrates what they are to the point where they promote it when doing bios of their athletes.
AvhdQ.jpg

Young people are at ASU to party. It's about drinking, ****ing and learning how to be great at these things.
268670.jpg

Sure, it's the college where 1 in 4 students has an STD, but this is one place where half the coursework is also about learning how to avoid anything that can't be controlled by a round of penicillin. The only thing I'm surprised about in regard to ASU is that more US Senators didn't go there. The future looks bright, though, with Bristol Palin now in the mix.
1224-bristol-palin-asu-tmz-ex-credit.jpg

And when you have a place like this, you want to have a good football team since it's the Saturday night pre-party in the fall. Football players are at ASU to play football and be celebrated the night after the game by a bunch of sluts who are looking to bag their own trophy that day.
asu-fans-2_display_image.jpg

Which is fine. Nothing wrong with that. But it also makes them a ****ty road team. What's there to play for when you'll be on an airplane with a bunch of sweaty dudes while the Tempe parties are happening? Where's the motivation when they can't look into the stands and see what's waiting for them if they succeed?
ASU+Asian.jpg

So they ask if we fear the fork and I chuckle. There's only one thing to do with the fork.
B3VzekpIYAE-C7A.jpg

CU goes Dirty Sanchez on ASU this Saturday.

Buffs 70
ASU 17

#GoBuffs
 
Last edited:
Well, ****ty as usual and worth the wait. Thanks Nik and after reading that ****ty ass preview, all I could do, was RISE.
1a8362b0-5c03-0132-0bb2-0eae5eefacd9.gif
 
Last edited:
What did you eat before laying that **** to paper? Leaving an odor that reaches all the way to Houston where I am boarding a plane on the way home to catch STD U get the living hell stomped out of the by a bunch of pissed off and focused Buffalos!
 
Skillfully dripping with ***t, Buffnik!

Oh, and despite their record, they suck at home too. They pretty much suck anything, anywhere.
 
i spent a few days here in Phoenix this week on business and I can tell you.... @Buffnik has it right...****ty.

i fly home tonight to Colorado.

i expect to see some ****ty ASU fans at the airport and on the flight.

**** them, i'm wearing my buff cap with pride.

#theriseisreal
 
Yep not ****ty enough, very good though and 70-17 huh? Well I'm down with that.

Wait, there was a score prediction?

Here's what I read:

words



More words

Funny picture

More words

f9c7c9ef113065123eaf175fce001d8e.png


More words

Ewwww, gross

More words

AvhdQ.jpg


More words

268670.jpg

More words.

Didn't want to see that either.

Words.

asu-fans-2_display_image.jpg

Blah, blah
ASU+Asian.jpg

Blah, blah

B3VzekpIYAE-C7A.jpg


I think there might have been some more words after the last picture, but I was smoking a cigarette by then.
 
Those two strumpets liking each other's tongues was pukey. I wouldn't want their mouth germs on my dick.
 
Back
Top