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Nebraska jokes - got any good ones

Discussion in 'Colorado Football Message Board' started by 77buff, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. 77buff

    77buff Well-Known Member

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    How can you tell you have been invited to a Husker house warming party?
    The host asks you to help take the wheels off the trailer.

    Their game against Kansas is probably the biggest joke.
     
  2. DBT

    DBT Club Member Club Member

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    Bill Callahan.
     
  3. RalphieMalph

    RalphieMalph Well-Known Member

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    I don't know, I didn't get much of a chuckle out of that one. I think it'd be funnier if it read like:

    How can you tell you've been invited to a Fusker housewarming party?
    Upon entering the party, the host says to you "I recently purchased this house", then he retires to his bedroom where he engages in coitus with an ovulating cow.
     
  4. Jerry

    Jerry Well-Known Member

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    Their team
     
  5. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    A team of neBRAska astro-physicists submitted a proposal for NASA grants. Competition with other schools is tough, as CU proposed a lunar base to be used in a mission to Mars.

    Nebraska's proposal was to send a manned mission to investigate the surface if the sun. NASA's chief scientist asked how the spacecraft would withstand the sun's extreme heat.

    "Easy. We're going at night."
     
  6. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    anyone know what the state bird used to be?
     
  7. DBT

    DBT Club Member Club Member

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    Crop duster? Hell if I know.
     
  8. El Gringo

    El Gringo Pura Vida Club Member

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    A bat - thus the "Bugeaters" :lol:
     
  9. 66BUFF

    66BUFF FTW Club Member

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    joe glenns hand gesture
     
  10. Junction

    Junction Moderator Club Member

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    Peckerwood??? :cool:
     
  11. Sexton Hardcastle

    Sexton Hardcastle Club Member Club Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  12. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    The play-action pass!
     
  13. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    new one:

    what's the state tree?
     
  14. Sexton Hardcastle

    Sexton Hardcastle Club Member Club Member

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    Hey dusty, 77buff asked for funny jokes:wink2:
     
  15. Clean Undies

    Clean Undies Flagship of the 12-Pac Club Member

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    The post route?
    The split upright?
    The windmill?
     
  16. Sexton Hardcastle

    Sexton Hardcastle Club Member Club Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  17. coyeote

    coyeote New Member

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    Prior to the K-state game they evacuated memorial stadium because they found a suspicious white powder on the field and nobody knew what it was. It turns out it was the goal line.

    BC was just elected to coach the US ski team. They had never seen a coach that could make a team go down hill soooooo fast.
     
  18. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    nah, that's 'sota.
     
  19. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    telephone pole.


    ---Skidmark, you had the right idea.
     
  20. DustyRhodes

    DustyRhodes Active Member

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    Two University of Nebraska scholars were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks.
    The first NU scholar said "Those are deer tracks."
    The second one said "Nope, they're too big for deer tracks. They must be elk tracks."
    As the debate raged on they were hit by a train.
     
    SuperiorBuff likes this.
  21. RuffBuff

    RuffBuff Club Member Club Member

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    yes....i came up with this one all by my lonesome...:wink2:


    schools from the old big 8 conference were trying to decide what their school colors should be. so, they sent officials to seek the wisdom of GOD. members from colorado nebraska, oklahoma state and iowa state were among the first to talk to GOD. the osu rep was first to stand before GOD and HE told the rep., when i think of oklahoma, i think of deep orange sunsets setting over the prairies, with fluffy white clouds dancing in the skies by day and vast open black skies at night. your colors are orange, white and black. next was the isu representative. GOD told him that when HE thinks of iowa, HE thinks of deep red sunsets over gorgeous golden yellow fields of corn...your colors are red and yellow. the CU rep was next in line. GOD said, when i think of colorado, i think of glorious golden sunshine filled days that grace your beautiful state over 330 days a year and deep, dense black forests of pine trees that stretch for 100s of miles through the high country, your colors are black and gold. next it was NUs turn. their rep. stood before GOD and HE said, your colors are scarlet and cream.

    That night, GOD and St. Peter were sitting down to feast and St. Peter asked, "GOD, when all of the schools stood before you, you gave them glorious explanations of the origins of their school colors except for nebraska...why?"

    GOD replied, "Well, when i think of nebraska, all i can picture is red necks and white trash!"
     
  22. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    I have a ton of them, but they are on my laptop and it is out in the truck. So....wait a bit, bitches!!:smile2:

    (doing the daddy duty now with the 2 month old while momma sleeps-- Maddy threw up four times last night so she didn't get much sleep.)
     
  23. unionbuff

    unionbuff Club Member Club Member

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    Not bad, except our school colors are silver & gold. :huh:
     
  24. RuffBuff

    RuffBuff Club Member Club Member

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    yeah, i know that....and you know that...but i originally composed this for Huskers fans and i didn't want to have to explain that to them.....
     
  25. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    NEBRASKA JOKES

    Q:What do you call a beautiful girl on the Nebraska campus?
    A:A visitor.

    Q:What do you call five nude Nebraska cheerleaders in the hot tub?
    A:Gorillas in the mist.

    Q:How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader onto the elevator?
    A:Grease her hips and toss in a Twinkie.

    Q:What does the “N” on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
    (Probably the original NU joke.)
    A:Knowledge.

    Q:Why does the wind always blow in Wyoming? (Heard this from a Wyo.
    guy.)
    A:Because Nebraska sucks and Utah blows.

    Q:What is the third largest university in the state of Kansas?
    A:The University of Nebraska at Leavenworth. First two are KU and
    KState.

    General Custer is camped out with his troops at the Little Bighorn
    before the battle that was to follow. His advance scout returned from
    checking out how many Indians they could be facing and assessing what
    they should do to defend themselves. He walked into Gen. Custer’s
    tent with a look of resignation on his face, looking down at the
    ground, and sadly shaking his head. When Custer saw the guy’s body
    language, he quickly became concerned, and said, “What is it?!” The
    scout was still shaking his head and just said, “Oh, General.” Custer
    then quickly became ticked off and yelled out again, “Damn it, what
    is it?” The scout said, “General, I have some bad news and some good
    news. Which do you want to hear first?” Custer said, “Let’s hear the
    bad news first and get it out of the way.” The scout said, “General,
    there are so many Indians out there that none of us are getting out
    of here alive. We’re all going to die!” Custer said, “Ya gotta be
    kidding! After hearing that, how could there be any good news?” The
    scout then became excited and said, “Hey, we don’t have to travel
    back across Nebraska!”

    Q:What’s the best thing to come out of Nebraska?
    A:I-80.

    Q:What is the Nebraska state tree?
    A:The telephone pole.

    **A NU football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding
    accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
    It's a good thing the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged
    it.
     
  26. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    **The NU football team was placed in a remedial English
    class. "Because we are all new on campus we are going to start with
    the basics," the professor explained. "Does anyone know what comes
    after a sentence?"
    All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal!" They all shouted
    with pride.

    Q: What do you call a person from NU in a three piece suit?
    A: The defendant

    Q: What do you call a 240 pound Nebraska cheerleader?
    A: Anorexic.

    You're probably a Husker fan if ...
    ... You list your parole officer as a reference.
    ... Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
    ... You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
    ... Your grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold.

    Q: Why aren't there any roaches in Nebraska dorm rooms?
    A: Even roaches have some self-respect.

    Q: Did you hear about the Husker who put snow tires on his car?
    A: They melted

    Q: Did you hear about the Nebraska player that broke his leg raking
    leaves?
    A: He fell out of the tree.

    You're probably a Nebraska fan if ...
    ... Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
    ... Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from
    the governor to spare a loved one.
    ... You thought the school fight song should have been "Dueling
    Banjos."

    Q: If you see a Nebraska football player on a bicycle, why should you
    never swerve to hit him?
    A: It might be your bicycle.

    **A Colorado fan was driving down a country road when he came upon
    two Nebraska football players hitchiking. He told the Nebraska
    players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down
    the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were
    going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Colorado fan
    scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at
    the lake, the two Nebraska football players were still sitting in the
    bed of the truck looking frantic. As the truck began sinking the
    Colorado fan yelled for the Nebraska players to get out of the truck,
    to
    which they replied, "We're tryin' to get out, but we can't get the
    dang tailgate open!"

    **A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red
    shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white
    shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must
    be an Nebraska fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you
    tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No,
    this is a hardware store."
     
  27. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    Q: Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University
    of Nebraska?
    A: Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right
    down the road.

    **Two Nebraska fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead
    bird." The other one looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"

    **Two Husker players are walking along a railroad track. One
    says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!" The other says, "It's
    ain't the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

    **Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys
    is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little
    boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar,
    and twists, breaking the dog's neck and killing him instantly. A
    reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and
    rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act
    of bravery I've ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his
    notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Buffalo Fan
    Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!" The little hero sees this and
    says, "But sir, I'm not a Buff Fan, I'm a Husker Fan!" The reporter
    looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins
    a new headline: "Little Redneck Kid Kills Beloved Family Pet"

    Q: What do you call a crime ring in Lincoln?
    A: A huddle.

    Q: Why can't a Nebraska player go on the internet?
    A: He can't put 3 w's together.

    Q: What's the difference between a Husker and a bucket of manure?
    A: The bucket.

    Q: If you have a car containing a Husker wide receiver, a Husker
    linebacker, and a Husker defensive back, who is driving the car?
    A: The cop.

    **A Colorado grad, a Texas grad, and a Nebraska grad are waiting to
    be executed by firing squad. The Colorado grad is first, and as he is
    waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad
    panics and runs away, allowing the Colorado grad to jump over the
    wall and escape. The Texas grad is next, and
    as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad
    again panics and runs away, so the Texas grad also jumps over the
    wall and escapes. The Nebraska grad is last. As he is waiting to be
    executed, he remembers what the CU and UT grads had done, so he
    yells, "Fire!"

    Q: What does the average NU student get on their SAT's?
    A: Drool

    Q: What do tornadoes and Nebraska grads have in common?
    A: They both always end up in trailer parks!

    Q: Why couldn't NU have a nativity scene this past Christmas?
    A: They couldn't find three wise men.

    Q: What is the difference between a Husker fan's car and a
    Porcupine?
    A: The Porcupine has the pricks on the outside

    Nebraska's greatest inventions:
    1. Solar powered flashlight
    2. Water-proof towel
    3. A book on "How-To-Read"
    4. Inflatable dart board
     
  28. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    Q: Why don't Huskers use 911 in an emergency?
    A: They can't find 11 on the dial.

    Top 10 Classes at Nebraska:
    1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
    2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
    3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
    4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
    5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
    6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
    7) Hooked on Phonics
    8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
    9) ABC's: An Extended Version
    10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines

    Q: Did you hear about the Huskers found frozen in a car at the drive-
    in movie in January?
    A: They went to see "Closed for Winter".

    **Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a
    different Big 12 school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of
    all fans. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them
    was the most loyal of all.
    They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as
    they reached the top, the Kansas grad hurled himself off the
    mountain, shouting, "This is for KU! Rock Chalk Jayhawk!" as he fell
    to his doom.
    Not wanting to be outdone, the Oklahoma grad threw himself off the
    mountain proclaiming, "This is for Oklahoma! Boomer Sooner!" Seeing
    this, the Colorado grad walked over and shouted, "This is for
    everyone!" and pushed the Cornhusker off the side of the mountain.

    Q: What's the last thing a Nebraska stripper takes off?
    A: Her bowling shoes

    Q: What does Colorado have that Nebraska doesn't?
    A: Everything

    **Nebraska football team is taking a classical music course. At the
    end of the semester, the instructor gives a test on the only song
    they have learned the entire semester; "Old McDonald Had a Farm."
    The first question is, "What did Old McDonald have?" A running back
    looks to his QB for leadership and asks him for the answer. The QB
    answers; "I think it was a farm." The RB smiles, looks at his paper
    for a moment, looks back at the QB and asks, "How do you spell
    farm?" The QB frowns, and says, "I’m not sure, but I think its E I E
    I O."


    Q: How did Lawrence Phillips know fall was here?
    A: He found Frost on his pumpkin.

    Q: What do you call a 240 pound Husker cheerleader?
    A: Anorexic.

    Q: How many Huskers does it take to eat a 'possum?
    A: Two, one to chow down and one to watch for cars.
     
  29. FlatironsBuff

    FlatironsBuff Club Member Club Member

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    Q: What are the best 4 years of a Cornhusker's student life?
    A: The 3rd Grade.

    Q: What do you get if you breed a groundhog with a Cornhusker?
    A: Six more weeks of bad football.

    Q: What do you get if you drive by Lincoln, NE real slow?
    A: A degree.

    Q: Did you hear they've decided to cover Memorial Stadium in
    cardboard?
    A: People at NU have decided that their team always looks better on
    paper.

    Q: Why won't they let Creighton University have a football team?
    A: Because then NU would want one too.

    Q: How do you get an University of Nebraska graduate off your porch?
    A: Pay him for the pizza.

    Q: What do they call a computer at NU?
    A: An Etch-A-Sketch.

    Q: Why do NU students hang their diplomas from their rearview
    mirrors?
    A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

    Q: How many NU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, it's a sophomore class.


    Q: What do you call a person from NU in a three piece suit?
    A: The defendant.

    Q: What's the difference between a litter of puppies and Nebraska
    fans?
    A: Eventually puppies grow up and stop whining.

    Q: How many degrees does an NU professor need?
    A: 98.6

    Q: What do you call a Nebraska cheerleader with 2 brain cells?
    A: Pregnant.

    Q: What’s the difference between the Loch Ness Monster, Santa Claus,
    and a 2005 Nebraska
    Big XII Conference Championship?
    A: There is an outside chance of seeing the Loch Ness Monster.

    Q: Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Nebraska State Lottery?
    A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

    A new law was recently passed in Nebraska so that when a couple gets
    divorced, they're still brother and sister.

    Q: Why do Nebraska football players go to R-rated movies in groups of
    18 or more?
    A: Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

    A long time Husker fan came home from the Big Game and found his
    house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department
    and shouted, "Hurry over here. Muh house is on fire!" "OK," replied
    the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still
    have
    them big red trucks?"

    A Nebraska football player walks by a farmer in Haymarket Square
    carrying a sack. When they meet, the football player says, "Hey
    mister, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Some chickens" replies the
    farmer. "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if
    ya guesses
    right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?"

    A Colorado State trooper pulls over a pickup truck with Nebraska
    license plates on I-76 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?” The
    driver says, "'Bout what?"
     
  30. IDBUFF

    IDBUFF Active Member

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    What does the N on the fusker hekmet stand for?

    Nowledge
     

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