Welcome to a new season of CU Buffs Football and our first installment of the Sh*tty Preview in 2023. Has it really been almost a year since I tried to suck it up and mail in a couple of these before it became impossible to manufacture any fun. But everything has changed and the Sh*tty Preview is ready to come back strong!
The theme of this week, this season, the Prime Era is KARMA. Buff fans have been through hell for 20 years. Starting with the lead-up to the 2003 season which saw the recruiting scandal breaking, our best recruiters in EB and Embree getting in front of it to save their careers by leaving for UCLA jobs, leading to self-imposed restrictions placed on the program by the university (such as no overnight recruiting visits), Barnett hanging on for a few more years with his depleted roster and artificially lowered program potential, the changing of the guard to President Benson & Chancellor DiStephano focusing fundraising efforts everywhere but athletics & not caring about the program beyond wanting it to be scandal-free and within budget, the hiring of Dan Hawkins and his intramural culture, the disastrous hiring of throwback Jon Embree (Note: never hire NFL position coaches to be your head coach), the acceptance of a milquetoast mediocre program that doesn't want to try to recruit at an elite level with the hiring of Mike MacIntyre, the glimmer of hope when Rick George became AD with an emphasis on recruiting being the lifeblood of a program followed by the hiring of Mel Tucker only to see him leave for a monster-sized bag after 1 season, the miss on HC targets only to hire Karl Dorrell (Note: NEVER HIRE NFL POSITION COACHES TO BE YOUR HEAD COACH - especially if they were once fired in part for not meeting recruiting expectations when they were once a college HC), the national joke the Pac-12 became.
20 years of pain and suffering. 20 years of constantly being shat upon. 20 years of enduring.
We have been freed! This fan base is now made of steel which has been forged and tempered in the depths of hell. All of that is now about to be rewarded with football nirvana.
That is how Karma works.
The Coach Prime Era has begun and CU will be returning to its rightful place as one of the top football programs in the nation.
The glorious Colorado Buffaloes begin their stampede over the college football landscape on Saturday, September 2nd at TCU. From 1-11 to being featured as the Fox Sports Big Noon game with the network running constant promos during its NFL broadcasts to hype it to the next level. Our Buffs, driven by Coach Deion "Prime Time" Sanders are the headline of college sports. Some love us. Most hate us. Everyone is talking about us. If you think the noise is loud now, just wait until after this team is unleashed on Saturday. TCU sucks and we will crush them. The aftermath will turn the Buffs hype & hate meters up to 11.
We coming and the game has been changed.
This week, since so much has changed with the CU roster and staff, the Sh*tty Preview is going to diverge from its standard format. This one's going to be educational and scientific, exploring the CU football roster compared to last season and also do the same for TCU. It's something that's been in development for a while. That's why the Sh*tty Preview staff was expanded to include some statistical geniuses this offseason. The idea came from the realization that people take the ESPN prediction model seriously. They've got Tom Luginbill, the biggest idot in the industry, assigning numbers to each player recruited to determine how strong they will tell you the respective rosters are. They've got the FPI (Football Power Index) which hangs its hat on a set of data points which probably made some level of predictive sense prior to the changes to transfer rules but are now completely obsolete. They then present that garbage as viable data, give a percentage chance for each team to win, and spit out a score prediction. Most of the idots who follow sports assume it has credibility and that referencing those numbers makes them feel smart/ informed. So I figured I may as well follow that same logic and make the Sh*tty Preview more idot friendly.
With all that said, today I'm proud to debut the Sh*tty Power Index. The SPI is a highly scientific, mathematically driven model which takes last year's team, compares them to this year's team, applies a proprietary formula based on a six dimensional logarithmic algorithm to tell you exactly WTF is up* so you can make informed decisions.
(*Disclaimer: The SPI is for entertainment purposes only. The Sh*tty Preview, its affiliates, its employees and contractors are not responsible for any gambling losses or emotional hardship incurred from being such a dumb fvck that you used the SPI to make a decision.)
I hope you all appreciate the hard work and planning spent the entire offseason to develop the SPI. Every time I thought about it and worked on it literally added up to minutes of drudgery, but it had to be done and I just kept telling myself it was worth it and you assholes deserve at least a token effort. So that was motivating and pushed me through the process with a good attitude.
Last year, the final score of the game was 38-13 TCU with the Frogs going into halftime with a 7-6 lead. That highpoint of the TCU season is the SPI baseline for comparison rather than the final game they played which everyone turned off some time around or before them being down 45-7. I'm not sure anyone knows what the final score ended up being. It's possible the refs simply ended it early under some NCAA sportsmanship rule or something and handed Georgia a trophy. Despite that, TCU superfans are so overconfident that they've done nothing but chirp all offseason about an easy win and the advantage of an early kickoff being that they have time to spend their evening at Mecca of the Fort Worth shopping, dining and entertainment scene.
Thus concludes PT1, since AllBuffs doesn't let us drop sh!t in excess of 15,000 characters.
The theme of this week, this season, the Prime Era is KARMA. Buff fans have been through hell for 20 years. Starting with the lead-up to the 2003 season which saw the recruiting scandal breaking, our best recruiters in EB and Embree getting in front of it to save their careers by leaving for UCLA jobs, leading to self-imposed restrictions placed on the program by the university (such as no overnight recruiting visits), Barnett hanging on for a few more years with his depleted roster and artificially lowered program potential, the changing of the guard to President Benson & Chancellor DiStephano focusing fundraising efforts everywhere but athletics & not caring about the program beyond wanting it to be scandal-free and within budget, the hiring of Dan Hawkins and his intramural culture, the disastrous hiring of throwback Jon Embree (Note: never hire NFL position coaches to be your head coach), the acceptance of a milquetoast mediocre program that doesn't want to try to recruit at an elite level with the hiring of Mike MacIntyre, the glimmer of hope when Rick George became AD with an emphasis on recruiting being the lifeblood of a program followed by the hiring of Mel Tucker only to see him leave for a monster-sized bag after 1 season, the miss on HC targets only to hire Karl Dorrell (Note: NEVER HIRE NFL POSITION COACHES TO BE YOUR HEAD COACH - especially if they were once fired in part for not meeting recruiting expectations when they were once a college HC), the national joke the Pac-12 became.
20 years of pain and suffering. 20 years of constantly being shat upon. 20 years of enduring.
We have been freed! This fan base is now made of steel which has been forged and tempered in the depths of hell. All of that is now about to be rewarded with football nirvana.
That is how Karma works.
The Coach Prime Era has begun and CU will be returning to its rightful place as one of the top football programs in the nation.
The glorious Colorado Buffaloes begin their stampede over the college football landscape on Saturday, September 2nd at TCU. From 1-11 to being featured as the Fox Sports Big Noon game with the network running constant promos during its NFL broadcasts to hype it to the next level. Our Buffs, driven by Coach Deion "Prime Time" Sanders are the headline of college sports. Some love us. Most hate us. Everyone is talking about us. If you think the noise is loud now, just wait until after this team is unleashed on Saturday. TCU sucks and we will crush them. The aftermath will turn the Buffs hype & hate meters up to 11.
We coming and the game has been changed.
This week, since so much has changed with the CU roster and staff, the Sh*tty Preview is going to diverge from its standard format. This one's going to be educational and scientific, exploring the CU football roster compared to last season and also do the same for TCU. It's something that's been in development for a while. That's why the Sh*tty Preview staff was expanded to include some statistical geniuses this offseason. The idea came from the realization that people take the ESPN prediction model seriously. They've got Tom Luginbill, the biggest idot in the industry, assigning numbers to each player recruited to determine how strong they will tell you the respective rosters are. They've got the FPI (Football Power Index) which hangs its hat on a set of data points which probably made some level of predictive sense prior to the changes to transfer rules but are now completely obsolete. They then present that garbage as viable data, give a percentage chance for each team to win, and spit out a score prediction. Most of the idots who follow sports assume it has credibility and that referencing those numbers makes them feel smart/ informed. So I figured I may as well follow that same logic and make the Sh*tty Preview more idot friendly.
With all that said, today I'm proud to debut the Sh*tty Power Index. The SPI is a highly scientific, mathematically driven model which takes last year's team, compares them to this year's team, applies a proprietary formula based on a six dimensional logarithmic algorithm to tell you exactly WTF is up* so you can make informed decisions.
(*Disclaimer: The SPI is for entertainment purposes only. The Sh*tty Preview, its affiliates, its employees and contractors are not responsible for any gambling losses or emotional hardship incurred from being such a dumb fvck that you used the SPI to make a decision.)
I hope you all appreciate the hard work and planning spent the entire offseason to develop the SPI. Every time I thought about it and worked on it literally added up to minutes of drudgery, but it had to be done and I just kept telling myself it was worth it and you assholes deserve at least a token effort. So that was motivating and pushed me through the process with a good attitude.
Last year, the final score of the game was 38-13 TCU with the Frogs going into halftime with a 7-6 lead. That highpoint of the TCU season is the SPI baseline for comparison rather than the final game they played which everyone turned off some time around or before them being down 45-7. I'm not sure anyone knows what the final score ended up being. It's possible the refs simply ended it early under some NCAA sportsmanship rule or something and handed Georgia a trophy. Despite that, TCU superfans are so overconfident that they've done nothing but chirp all offseason about an easy win and the advantage of an early kickoff being that they have time to spend their evening at Mecca of the Fort Worth shopping, dining and entertainment scene.
Thus concludes PT1, since AllBuffs doesn't let us drop sh!t in excess of 15,000 characters.
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