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Poor Clark Evans...

The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Clark Evans and three seven year old girls. Clark Evans won with a play action fake to himself, heaved the ball 80 yards and scored the winning touchdown catching the ball alone in the endzone.

Clark Evans is such a gentleman that he let one of his tiny teammates attempt the PAT, when it appeared to be short and wide right, he knocked over the dolphins defensive line, jumped 7 feet vertically in the air and tipped the ball into the uprights for the extra point.
Afterward, he politely deflected reporters' questions, giving all credit to little Ashley, Brandi and Tiffani for the win, and providing juice boxes and orange slices for all the media who were present. He grew the oranges himself after inventing a method for producing citrus fruit in the desert without needing water.

clarkevansuprights.jpg
 
Mexico cancelled Halloween when they found out Clark Evans could not attend.

Clark Evans has never lost a sock. Ever.
 
Clark Evans has never thrown an interception. The closest he ever came was when a defender caught the ball, but immediately dropped it out of respect for the man.
 
Columbus discovered the New World in search of Clark Evans.

The Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria were named after Clark Evan's testicles and ball sack.
 
Columbus discovered the New World in search of Clark Evans.

The Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria were named after Clark Evan's testicles and ball sack.

I heard Dennis Connors inquired about using it for a spinnaker on the Stars and Stripes.
 
Clark Evans' wristwatch has no number on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."

Clark Evans is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Clark Evans.

Clark Evans puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter."

Other guys piss their name in the snow, Clark Evans pisses his in the concrete.

Clark Evans can make a woman climax by just pointing his finger at her and saying "booya."

Superman owns a pair of Clark Evans pajamas.

enough?
 
Clark Evans once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
 
Clark Evans is such a gentleman that he let one of his tiny teammates attempt the PAT, when it appeared to be short and wide right, he knocked over the dolphins defensive line, jumped 7 feet vertically in the air and tipped the ball into the uprights for the extra point.

This could come in handy..... :cool:
 
When a Clark Evans pass is tipped, a Buff reciever is there to catch it.

Offensive lineman are immune to injury when in the presence of Clark Evans.
 
When Clark Evans has a pass tipped, he knocks over the other guy, retrieves the ball and dazzles the opposition with his juggling foot skills before kicking a 70-yard field goal.

I have obtained some early film of Clark when he used a pseudonym to protect himself from the hoards of adoring fans.

[video=youtube;pEYtp6UOsuk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEYtp6UOsuk[/video]
 
and he knows the last number of pi....
clark evans knows who the 2nd gunman was on the grassy knoll and liquidated with extreme prejudice

extreme is the name of his left foot and prejudice is his right
 
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Nation the Number one threat to the rest of the big 12
 

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If you have $5 and Clark Evans has $5, Clark Evans has more money than you...

Everybody loves Raymond...Except Clark Evans

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Clark Evans

Clark Evans was once in a knife fight...and the knife lost

Most people fear the reaper...Clark Evans thinks he is a promising "rookie"

Clark Evans takes a Bradlee and wipes his Van Pelt...just like the rest of us

I love this thread!
 
:yeahthat: Top 5 thread of all time.

Clark Evans once ate an entire Vietnamese village.........
















for lunch.
 
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